That Time I Couldn't Sleep.....

O Lord, you have examined me, and you know me. Psalms 139:1 GW

Oops! Have you ever felt utterly misunderstood? Chaley!🤦🏾‍♀️It’s not a good feeling at all. Well, I’m writing this at 5:59am and have been stuck in bed thinking about all the ways a conversation I had with a friend of mine could have been totally misinterpreted.

As I pondered over the many scenarios that could have played in my friend's mind during a conversation (which I instigated to draw some boundaries), I realized just how ‘wrong’ the timing could have been.

Here I am, not enjoying a good morning’s sleep (after staying up late) because I am thinking of how a human could have misunderstood me. I am writing this because after my many scribbles to God in my online journal, a scripture came to mind.

It was Psalm 139:23 “Examine me, O God, and know my mind. Test me, and know my thoughts.”GW

This was my anchor scripture throughout the month of March so it was quickly retrieved from my spiritual arsenal, just in time.

However, as I went into the chapter, the verse 1 seemed to resonate more with my situation. It simply  says; “O Lord, you have examined me, and you know me.” Psalms 139:1 GW

Ha! Ohhhh, what calm this verse brought to my mind which was in full force overthinking mode. My fear of being misunderstood (which caused the overthinking and sleeplessness), in light of what God already knows about the situation, was outrightly unwarranted.

Fellow sojourner, how beautiful is it that we serve a God who already knows our thoughts before we think them? He knew I was going to have the conversation I had with my friend. He knew I was going to overthink it later and it's almost as though he was sitting in a corner and just when I was about to beat myself up for hadn’t gone ahead of him, he said "I have examined you, I know you and that's enough!".

In truth, humans will always do/be who they are, humans. Now, imagine the worst you could be. Now visualize someone you love seeing you in that seemingly depraved state (see the picture?).

The frailty of human love is exhibited in these kinds of situations in a sense that, what people think about you can make or mar your relationship with them. The downside? Sometimes, there is just nothing you can do about it!

On the other had, God sees it all and already knows all that you are. He knows every lie you’ve ever told or will tell, he examines every motive and knows when your heart is pure or otherwise. He sees you at the worst of your worst, (if something like that exists) STILL, he craves a relationship with you. Just how beautiful is that?!

With him, there’s never a cause to feel misunderstood. You don’t have to wonder. In this case, I need not lose my sleep because his infallible character guarantees his love without conditions.

He has examined me, he knows my motives and he understands. In case you ever find yourself in a situation like mine- where you could be misunderstood, learn from my example.

The El-Roi sees you and if your heart is set right, rest. He knows you.

By the way, I lost sleep so you don't have to.

But I best be on my way.

Written by

Ivy Hollys